My response: yeah, and I survived A LOT. It was never clear to me who my leadership people are because I was getting so roughed up and kidnapped when I was young. I had agreed to get information from “my parents” and then I was removed from them. When I returned to them, I got very little info (about what’s going on outside of our home) my whole life.
I was too weak(health was compromised) to be a leadership person. I got too lost to have a firm, solid identity with a lot of people. ALSO I GOT RETIRED… and CLOSED DOORS in my youth. I was not able to be in contact with new people easily at all.
These days I know my health is not great. I feel tired a lot. I know I can’t work full time anywhere anyway. I’m too boring to be social for now. I don’t mind just being a home body and out of the way of others who are busy.
I actually didn’t want to have to rely on others, to lean on them. However, the life I got I was actually in the hands of many. I got too lost and they were not at all. Some thought of me as a leadership person–however, it was NOT ON EVERYTHING… probably specific things. So much time has passed, I am not certain “when I took the lead”… like in car or bicycle tour racing… sometimes a very good driver leads the whole pack through certain places and for a short or long time… and then another takes over. I am not all certain when I was leading because I may have thought I was following someone else, or doing the wishes of someone else!
I am sad about the “closed doors” I got while young. It was frustrating for me also. People may have noticed the problems that kept coming up. I had grown too fast, and I was getting into conflicts out in public with complete strangers I had not even met. It must have been easier to severely limit me and keep me out of things than try to fit me in. I feel there were all kinds of processes and machines involving a variety of leaders and personnel I crossed paths with that had prior agendas and very specific people matrixes. I was NEW and held different perspectives that were useful, however not for daily use. I had some unique experiences and training for being a WGA assistant. That was my original hat that I knew about while young. I should write more about it. Here >>