My future is not a wife or daughter in a decent home with my care promised. I’m starting to pre-plan a return to a smaller life, even the possibility of just renting an apartment as I age and eventually drop dead. I got used more than I wanted to in life, and not held by others as a bigger person at all. On reflection I appear to be like one of those trafficked German women who may have had a family and they moved on. An independent soul who lets people have their lives and prefers quiet.
The original “cycling” paperwork I watched a Mexican gang member handle a long time ago in front of me (in person, when I was a child) belonged to a tall, blond German woman who was a member of the Kershner Offices. She was going to cycle around and gather money from people and leave the country. I’m not her.
It’s possible I lived as a German female convict in life, someone just used by a variety of members of society whether they knew it or not. My future is not a wealthy one. I want people to know this. I was NOT ALLOWED to gather wealth in a healthy way and grow it myself. I’ve been terrorized badly at times in my life and was lucky to afford good canned food for a lot of it. I was held by people as a prison convict* outside of prison. Even someone battered and drugged. I was NOT a “favored Spielberg”. Perhaps I challenged too many people to go beyond the norms. Not as a gang leader, as an influencer.
I’m not joining others in a mansion somewhere and planning to make $10k per month. Some creatives get this and more. I’m not getting a golden parachute. I had some inheritance money and people were actually prepared to steal it all. Telling people over and over again that it is my SURVIVAL MONEY in life I hope they stop trying to. Its why a lot got spent off already. I was not allowed to properly invest it and help it grow for better use. I could not even buy a small condo in a less expensive state to eventually move into. I wanted to though.
I hope my story helps people understand me and others who may have been through this.
*I was taken to a jail and prison more than once before I was even a teenager and people pretended things. It is possible I was also forced to look very criminal in doctored videos and photos too while very young.