It’s because I couldn’t escape the human trafficking. I couldn’t make changes for myself or others. I got trapped in a context of slander, libel, lies. I couldn’t even find myself again. Right now the sense is the gangs or gang members are not leaving me alone. I’m at high risk of being kidnapped again, injured, defamed and whatever other things they do to people instead of mrdring them.
I’m chronically sick and there are injuries on my body dating back to the 1970s. The ‘wind’ is already complaining some people may discover, uncover injuries within weeks. I need more health care… however if I seek it I could be injured or kidnapped so “no one finds out the extent of it all”. It has happened before, gang members removing me from a hospital by force or threatening staff not to make notes, not to fully heal my injuries. I feel really threatened about this right now. I can’t live on without more health care. If I don’t get it I’m going to be sicker and sicker.
I beg forgiveness. I did what I could. It got too complicated and too high stakes many times. I never did learn who was who nor who I was to many people. I was a speaker… someone who brought words together to influence others. I got boosted by bigger people. If I have to force my own way out of this life… I really am sorry. Most of my life I didn’t condone people committing suicide. I understand now why some do, especially later in life. The work may not be done, however I may be at a critical crossroads that I may not survive anyway. I don’t want to go through being kidnapped and drugged, even under the disguise of “mental health treatment”. I’d rather drive fast and leave at high speed.
I came across this video recently. This is the time I want you to know how bad it went before it “got better”. I was this character and someone recreated what happened… except I was too young to steal the car and drive it. (It could have been my own sport car, I could have owned the town too, I may have been mugged by thugs so someone else could be more important. Understand that money can buy time, even of a city and things within it.). “the weeknd”… I was desperate to tell people I was “the weakened one” not the strong one… a blond man told a dark haired man, “We’ll just keep replacing her.” Well, not enough it seems. I was battered, I bled myself… many times. I was treated like a VERY REAL gang banger except I was a youth and never could fight back. I just had a way with words. I even influenced others to make this video. Subconscious thinking, depth filmmaking. I was near collapse and had to describe how the rest of it could go. Please don’t do these regularly. Not good to watch or remember.
I actually feel touched now… and I do want to sleep.
Time will tell. If I am allowed to heal some key things and returned/kept home fully without complications then I won’t have find that final doorway.