I want to say… does it matter if I am so retired from everything?
I know that’s amazing to think at my age, however I got trafficked and never really introduced to so many people. Even if I learned the names they were using, I honestly did not know them beyond a short time and likely while I was busy and/or distracted.
A long time ago while kidnapped, I was not certain what was really going on. I may have said to some people, “Hey, maybe I don’t need to actually know you.” What was going on were some gang members looked stressed out about things going on themselves. I think it made them feel better to know I would not be asking for them later! It could be they were migrants and didn’t plan to get to know me anyway. I don’t know!
If I met leadership people, I had no idea where they were from or who they worked for themselves. Lots of things just happened quickly and there was not a lot of socializing at any time.
In my youth I was intrigued with problem solving and I enjoyed meeting people even if briefly and they only gave me their first name. I probably assumed I’d see them again soon or some day and spend more time chatting. Didn’t happen that way!
I realize now, some people I met in the 1970s.. get this… I didn’t get to know again until within the past 10-20 years! No kidding. Decades later! And I was not certain who they were when we were present. I could not verify even if my memory was working if they were the ACTUAL PEOPLE I had met or replacements.
I have a feeling the people I crossed paths with were not really that thrilled to have to deal with me. I’ve been sick and damaged a lot in life, and also living very poor and in the (social and work) wilderness. It was VERY OBVIOUS at times how far away and out of touch I’ve been. Even now. I’ve NOT been a player and in close regular contact with all kinds of people I could have been. I guess there was no need to be. Huh.
I wrote about it within the past few weeks that I was DEMOTED below some Disney housekeeping staff in my childhood while at Disney in Anaheim. I do not know how much it stuck. What appears to have stuck is the CLOSED DOORS that were announced at Grossmont College in the 1970s. I feel that announcement was a much stronger hold than what Disney people put upon me. Some doors had to be reopened time to time, however I never did get a career anywhere. People generally kept me away from workplaces and looking like I was a “scrubbed” or “throw away” person. I felt like a dead person walking often when I was much younger. I felt sick and unnecessary.