I Didn’t Plan to Write So Much About the Past. It is Upsetting.

I would have been much happier working on creative works with a small team of people. I couldn’t get that to happen. TOO MUCH HISTORY. I’ve been a ghost in the wilderness so long, people forgot I existed and didn’t know who I was when I showed up for L.A. court time in recent years. People actually did not recognize me nor speak to me like I thought they would. I AM TOO DEAD EVEN THERE. Guess I am supposed to be!

It is okay to be dead to work people. It means I have no commitments to them too. No gang members chatted me up either, so no commitments to L.A. gangs either.

I am still ill and weak. It’s just as well no one wants me for work anywhere. Not well enough anyway. I’m starting to adjust my own goals for upcoming years, like being more practical and lowering expectations for myself. I’m having to embrace the real kind of retirement and retirement age and probably need to. I simply took on too many hits in life, tougher ones and more than I thought possible. Recent health problems is forcing me to rethink how to handle my future. I don’t feel as fearless as I used to. I have greater worry now.