Well, someone said it a long time ago they would not let me do or be the real working person involved, just gaslight me. Trouble is… I’m not certain WHO this mafia father(?) was or is. Appears I’ve been badly gaslighted my whole life in regard to trying to get work, get people and even get myself! What is the accomplishment though? I participated anyway. It was painful. It was interesting at times! I did get to fool around. What’s bothering me is there was no “Emergency Stop” button or cord to pull or push. I could not just yell really hard and beg for mercy. I did try this in my youth. People just shook their heads. I was genuinely caught, trapped, grabbed and I could not beg or bribe my way out. So I leaned into it. How’s it coming along now without me?
What may have happened is I may have been mugged by too many people, kept away from my own contacts too long. So I didn’t stay connected even as a fan or friend of things.
All I can do is shrug now and stay very retired. I have good days, I have bad days at home not doing much. The bad ones upset me, remind me how NOT WELL I am. How easy to not be well, and weak. Wishing the ongoing workers good luck though!