Tag: notworking

I Visited the Hollywood L.A. Courthouse as a Child

And I am not certain I was supposed to. I was taken their by a Mike who described people I’d encounter someday. This someday happened within the past few years! Even he had told people I was “standing in for Donna” (1970s). I never became a real one. Requires all kinds of training, contacts, even money. People went to AN EFFORT… to hire people instead of me all these decades.

One of the Mike’s described me as a “dead Donna” and to “push [me] through Hollywood and out again”. He said this when I was a child, before first grade.

I’ll write THIS AGAIN: “Donovan’s restaurant management people refused to adopt me as a future Donna” when I was a child. They had some women they were training and giving to key people in San Diego and L.A. The same day I learned this, a part Japanese(?) woman beat me up outside and told me it was her job to do it. She may or may not have been the one known at Disney’s Club33 and managing BYCORP migrant gangsters.

So it was known in the 1970s that I was NOT A DONNA, nor did I have a future as one. Some were referring to me as a “virtual Donna” which means they were using me from a distance for content. I was not given a JOB to gather or HOLD money for others. No mafia or gangster father for this at all.

A “Shanoe” adult male told me his people HIRED a “Donna” to be at Universal Pictures and I did not need to go or be there as a result. (late 1970s) It was her job as well as Jeff Shell’s to handle IPs. It was not clear to me how they were handling them, nor if any of them were my contributions.

No Hand Off, No One Holding a Door Open for Me (Ready Player 2+3)

Locally in San Diego, women using the name “Crisara” replaced me with MY OWN FAMILY MEMBERS when I was out of town. It offended me GREATLY. It was not supposed to be on going. What happened is THEY REPLACED ME for Hollywood people too. I am not certain which one did what. One or more may be very well connected and other(s) not at all.

No one who replaced me anywhere is holding a door or a sign pointing me at W.B. for Ready Player movies. I SHOULD NOT CONTINUE TO BE TRAFFICKED IN L.A. as there is NOTHING FOR ME TO DO THERE.

I have a feeling… more than one “Crisara” also used the name “Steven”.

Being a KEY Spielberg?

It probably isn’t allowed to be said. I’m likely still a key Spielberg in the U.S. even though I am supposed to be VERY DEAD MEAT. Here is the problem: I am NOT allowed to be a publicly known, public speaker. I have been USED and ideas boosted by KEY gang members from more than one gang(and political party) it appears. Because of this system of people, I have to be DEAD MEAT… and yet… something may be going wrong somewhere because someone may have expected to “keep going”.

A long time ago, someone told Disney leadership to inform me: “Take retirement age if you turn 50 and have no contract for work.” It was likely a message from A LOT OF PEOPLE, just used them to tell me.*

I don’t have money to fund people to keep going. It was ANNOUNCED in the 1970s that I would not. It was MADE VERY CLEAR how beat up and terrorized I was… meaning… I was NOT THE ACTUAL MONEY SOURCE for anyone. Gangs and their people had to step in to pay to heal me. I fell under the care of many people. They KEPT ME a “baby” to use. A small, limited person. In a company structure I would have been a small trusted employee, not high in the corporation to sit in the board room.

Feeling stuck. Unable to make changes. I’ve written it before: it would take a very known politician to “bring me out of the wilderness” and into the public even just locally in San Diego, CA. The danger I face is competition and my health looks okay, however I am not likely to do well with any physical or chemical hits. I could drop dead. My body is fragile from a life of “getting through a lot”. I have survived gang attacks both physical and chemical/toxins. By design right now the goal was to allow me to take care of myself so no one had to be hired to care for me. In different years, I have forced myself to gain strength and do more than sit around. I cannot walk a mile with my dog right now. Not well enough.

*If this is not the case, understand I am NOT UNDER A CONTRACT and NONE have been offered. I am technically retired from big things and just self employed minimally IF I ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING that makes money–which I’m not doing most months even years. There are likely others just like me, sitting around not doing much and not funded enough to help others. May be why I’m allowed to write things out online. OTHER KEY PEOPLE who have mattered a lot may be retired and sitting around and younger ones asking, “Why can’t you help me/us? Fund something? Do more?”

I’m Still in the Wilderness and Not Healthy

Writing this out I feel like I’m “belly aching”! Please don’t feel you need to read this. It’s for those who are actually concerned and/or responsible for my life.

I’m not connected well anywhere these days. Many of my connections of the past have retired and passed on. They were adults when I was a youth. I have not moved up into a real in person leadership role anywhere. Others have known me better than I knew and know myself. Collectively, we know I’m not healthy and strong. If you have seen me being strong and assertive in person it was only a temporary thing. Most of the time I’ve gone home and napped, even took days to recover from doing too much with my very imperfect body.

I’ve tried my best to help my body, it just isn’t something that is going to be strong and healthy. I’m lucky to have a few hours to a day or two without having to pay for it with extended rest and recovery. There are 70+ year olds who are in better physical health than me. They walk, jog, ride bikes, chat for hours with others. They look more alive than me. Age is not always a good marker for someone’s health and abilities. Fortunately, many know I generally have given respect to elders. Elders had decided long ago I should not become famous and important. It is likely due to my body’s weak core. I would not be able to be active and contributing daily and hourly of my mind and body which is required for work places, even the gentle ones.

A lot younger I insisted on strengthening my body and tried to be athletic and keeping moving, be strong. I honestly was even doing better a few years ago. The gall bladder removal about a year ago may be playing on me more than I realized. I am weaker, feeling a general illness daily even sitting around at home. Trying to stay alive even at home I am doing house chores like cleaning and cooking. It really is tiring me out though and I have to nap or just lay down for a couple of hours. It is making me feel old. Thankfully I do pep up and recharge enough to remind me I am a useful person.

It’s almost 8pm right now. Since 8am I helped get the small Thanksgiving meal together today and ate some also! Also I stood up and did a lot of the dish washing also. I’m laying in bed right now, not feeling good. Inspired to write this out.

If I were better connected, I’d be on the phone wishing people Happy Thanksgiving and also letting them know I’m not well. I’m so much in the wilderness not one person emails with me to chat about anything. They may know how dead I am to work force people and that I am actually ill. They are not saying it, not talking about me because they are concerned about their own work and the people they know better. Yes! It really is this way. I can’t remember when even a fake relative gave me a phone call or email to wish me better health.

I have a court date coming up. It’s way up in L.A. over 110mi from where I am sitting. I’m going to attempt to drive up there for it and pray my health holds up enough to get me through the day and back home again. Actually kind of scared of the system these days. I am worried that L.A. people are still trying to bind me to their city and the works I was only connected to by faint vapor. I can’t be a full time resident in a home or in their county facilities.

I’ve honestly tried to be what people needed of me all these decades. It wasn’t clear because different groups and individuals had different needs. Just don’t have the kind of wealth and health work place people have. Please note… some tough mafia people sized me up in the 1970s. They didn’t want me because I wasn’t wealthy enough even as a child. They also didn’t like the idea of me participating in person with mafia people because I was clearly weak and weakened by gang members already.

In my life definitely people saw to it I got health care, but not always. Some have left me very imperfect to REMIND the gang-bangers to leave me alone. I’m already “dead meat”. Again I was labeled “sea hag” which means mafia gave me a very difficult, tough path. I cannot leap off that life work and path and be a funding support person now. People who can fund others have a very good income, usually with or from decades of work place related earnings. Being a sea hag… I was kept from work places and normal work. Still contributed my life and spirit.

In essence and bold reality.. I appear to have been RETIRED from being a sea hag. If you don’t know what those are, you need to ask people who do know. They are NOT money handlers, pay pals, or funding partners for instance.

If you are a gang member from San Diego: If I was on the same team as “Steven H.” a long time ago, I was not a cash and carry person. I was just a baby in the mix.