Tag: gang

Reminder: Some Gang Members PAID MONEY and Threatened Others to Be More Important than Me

In the 1970s… which I keep going back to since it was highly pivotal in what path my life took… I was getting into trouble too much as a youth kidnapped and far from home. I watched some BIG, WHITE gang members threatening and paying people off to be “more important” and/or “the brighter person” THAN ME. I never got to know all these people because I was based and living in Hawaii mostly and they appeared busy people here in California.

One adult white male said, “I want Crisara* to be the brighter one and this one [me] the battered one.” (slightly paraphrased). He looked like he was speaking with some Korean-looking gang people who spoke good English. I was very young. I am not certain who these Korean(?) people actually were. I can’t even be certain they were Korean. I heard someone say they were. The impression is they were Dreamworks people however I had no proof or certainty.

As criminal as all this looks, what was going wrong was some gang members were claiming all kinds of things about me and there was general trouble making going on with or without my name involved. So these bigger gang peoples may have felt they had to step in and take control of what could have been actual migrants, migrant workers. There may have been a jealousy problem also. I wouldn’t know for certain who was who nor what was actually going on. As far as I knew at the time I was not famous nor making good money with anyone. I was getting popular… but part of that was because I needed help in life and some people were trying to rally help for me.

This is important to know about because THIS MAY STILL BE GOING ON RIGHT NOW. There may honestly be “Crisara’s” who are gang members in more than one city who may believe they are entitled to be more important than me at any time. I do not know what instructions they have, nor their guidelines in handling me.

It could be that “Sarah’s” who are above the “Crisara’s” are the ones with greater control, clout, popularity and even local and global fame.

*There was a real game going on with this name! I had crossed paths with at least THREE WOMEN and TWO CHILDREN using this name before I was six years old.

I Was Almost Given a Wealthy Husband Full Time in the 1970s+

What happened is gang members took me to a man who was said to be investing in my ideas. More than one tough female told me they WERE NOT GOING TO LET ME GET HIM, THEY WANTED HIM. So what may have happened is, I lost that resource and any potential future ones from that time on. I was very young and why it may have taken me years to come back to that memory. Some of those women may still be alive on Maui, Hawaii. The ones I know about are not wealthy (certainly are more than me though!) themselves. My hunch is the wealthier men gravitated away from those gang members after helping them initially.

It’s very likely I was allowed to get help early on in the 1970s with advanced planning. Just no plan to allow me to be independently wealthy. Really, I’ve looked like just an image of someone bigger*. Someone people could talk with, however it got too dangerous. I got used for many things far beyond my own control. May be why I got so destroyed and ruined. It really burned me earlier in life to see men and women who did not appear that bright or even reliable still being able to own homes, cars, investments and have their own family and many friends and contacts in multiple communities. I hope people remember how much I DID NOT GET in life.

I probably was instrumental(got played) more than an average small town gang leader. Could be why I’m like a damaged military soldier. I’m not missing limbs, however there is still a lot of damage in my body that’s even been repaired more than once. I took a lot of gang hits over time.

I am not certain how things go in other countries. It could very well be I had to stay as small as I am to accommodate real gang leaders locally and far away who are limited in resources. I could not actually get bigger than them without causing a problem. Likely because I am not a real gang leader or gang banger to protect what I have. Some may still be trying to hold me as low or below a MIGRANT LEADERSHIP male or female.

*Meaning there is someone genuinely much bigger, wealthier, better connected that I appear to be very similar to… possibly eavesdropped on for some things. Which may have simply been one of the “Donnas” in the 1970s+. I’ve written there were KNOWN COPY CATS HIRED in Los Angeles, CA that were gang members and older than me.

I Feel Like a Really Weak Link. Who is a Really Strong One With “the People”?

L.A. courts has a hold on me, much too long. Looks pre-planned, however I was not reminded or brought up to speed, or even informed properly of what it all is. The biggest problem is I have been a pure “criminal case”… NOT a “big Steven” who is mafia connected that can just talk to people… anyone… in L.A. As I child I did somewhat, I can’t do this as a very diminished adult.

I may need even some Mexican(Mexico City?) powers to step in to release me from L.A. I can’t actually do anything for anyone. I’m too smashed down, ruined, disconnected. I shouldn’t be hostaged for anything as I was not authentically connected to big enough money. My own people are not big now if they ever were. They may have been falsely boosted like I was at times. We were able to step up and mediate with people. Even small leadership things. Mostly I’ve lived a quiet life at home, unaware and uninformed about a whole lot of things.

I’m not the one who is best KEY for the L.A. court houses. I have a feeling the bigger people paid people off to keep them out and away, and yet they would be ideal to help problems. I may have been a virtual leadership person for migrants a long time ago, but as such I can’t do a thing in person at all. There are many migrants with more clout than me!

For me to speak up in person, in public places… I would have needed a team of people with me and I’ve had none. No one from any big companies has come to stand beside me to talk with others in L.A. Last time it really happened was in my youth!

Gang Culture in the 1970s as I was Handled

I was both treated like a KEY person as well as a low member of society and MEN… any… were entitled to earnings based on something I did. Honestly, I may have been created as a human being just for gang members to traffick. It was very scary and clear to me in San Diego, CA in the 1970s that I was separated from my “key mothers” as it happened over and over again IN PERSON. And the gang people I encountered were absorbed in creating fake husbands and relatives. I realize this may have happened because my identity was stolen anyway.

As a result, I have not been able to “get much traction” on a job, career nor even “a place or position” with high or low gang members in person. I’ve mostly drifted in and out of people’s realms and without absolute certainty of who I am and who I am connected with. It got so bad at times, the same people who saw me in the 1970s called me a different name each time they did. I had few people to rely on for even a straight conversation–as if I didn’t deserve one and “the men” did.

I had to be a nobody to have peace in my life, otherwise gang members were grabbing me all the time pretending things. Had to be disconnected from a real identity and well-known-ness to not be of interest. As a result, I’ve not been able to do much for myself or others in life. I have not even been a regular story teller… I was asked to stop being one a long time ago. I guess people had enough a long time ago.

I stood in for one of George Lucas’ girlfriends and also an adopted child while in the 1970s too. It was clear to be the real thing for him would be DANGEROUS as all f- for me as well as his peoples. I’d be an ongoing hostage and tool of extortion between gangs and gang members. Worse, some male gang members eyeballed me as a potential Lucasfilm regular and they had MY DEATH in their eyes, and not a nice one if I attempted to pursue it… which means I may not have made it to the 1980s if things played out differently.

Hidden Meanings? Common People and Gang Cultures

Just want to bring something up that may have gotten me into more trouble than it should have.

Gangs and gang members have certain understandings about “how things go” or “how things are supposed to go” and what certain things mean. They have created associations to mannerisms, gestures, types of speech, types of work, and more and I AM VERY UNAWARE of them. They can be very regional also, which means 500 miles away other gangs interpret things differently.

IT WAS NOTED a long time ago in my youth that I was “politician minded” NOT “gang or gangster minded” when I approached contributing to public presentations including ideas for Hollywood and other entertainment cities. I was very young and NOT educated in the various cultures globally. I took things as common people do. Maybe even scholarly, academic interpretations also. THESE MAY NOT BE THE SAME as local gang cultures.

Thankfully some people very early on ALLOWED ME to carry my own culture and approaches to understanding and interpreting the “world around me”. I learned as I went. I did learn about leaders and followers. I also learned about jealousy and ignorance and also pure anarchy. I have witnessed what is dangerous and also what helps everyone get along.

I may not have a common understanding of everything with anyone, yet… there are people who have understood me well enough that early in life I got to meet with important people. I was allowed to get very important people in person to chat with. They may have been important to gang members more than the general public. What they likely decided on is that I am NOT THE THREAT. It is NOT ME myself. They know the real players, and some WERE THE REAL PLAYERS. I have been a baby to those very big people.

Some gang people out in public have a very big chip on their shoulder. They may have done a lot of very important things however I personally don’t know them nor what they did. Please forgive me if I am the ignorant one. Okay? In all fairness I got VERY RETIRED from all kinds of people early in life. I have not been interacting much with anyone. Didn’t really need to.

Using “I” a lot in my writings, wishing it known that my interpretations and opinions are my own. Clearly am pointing at myself.