Tag: connections

Gang Culture in the 1970s as I was Handled

I was both treated like a KEY person as well as a low member of society and MEN… any… were entitled to earnings based on something I did. Honestly, I may have been created as a human being just for gang members to traffick. It was very scary and clear to me in San Diego, CA in the 1970s that I was separated from my “key mothers” as it happened over and over again IN PERSON. And the gang people I encountered were absorbed in creating fake husbands and relatives. I realize this may have happened because my identity was stolen anyway.

As a result, I have not been able to “get much traction” on a job, career nor even “a place or position” with high or low gang members in person. I’ve mostly drifted in and out of people’s realms and without absolute certainty of who I am and who I am connected with. It got so bad at times, the same people who saw me in the 1970s called me a different name each time they did. I had few people to rely on for even a straight conversation–as if I didn’t deserve one and “the men” did.

I had to be a nobody to have peace in my life, otherwise gang members were grabbing me all the time pretending things. Had to be disconnected from a real identity and well-known-ness to not be of interest. As a result, I’ve not been able to do much for myself or others in life. I have not even been a regular story teller… I was asked to stop being one a long time ago. I guess people had enough a long time ago.

I stood in for one of George Lucas’ girlfriends and also an adopted child while in the 1970s too. It was clear to be the real thing for him would be DANGEROUS as all f- for me as well as his peoples. I’d be an ongoing hostage and tool of extortion between gangs and gang members. Worse, some male gang members eyeballed me as a potential Lucasfilm regular and they had MY DEATH in their eyes, and not a nice one if I attempted to pursue it… which means I may not have made it to the 1980s if things played out differently.

Hello Stranger

Wish everyone to know, it may have been planned that I not know too many people overall in my life. I humbly apologize again if I am not certain who you are and you have known me a long time. We may have gotten through some tough times together and given each other mutual assistance when together or far apart. There have been all kinds of gang and gang member conflicts and I never had full information on them all. Looks like even more than one country was claiming things with me and others, and very possible they sponsored some things we were involved in. Same goes for companies within and outside the United States of America where I reside.

If you are reading this and have known me since my first years of life, I want to bless you for putting up with me and what I had to go through! I may have challenged and taunted others while young, not thinking how stuck I’d be for life nor what was really going on. It may have been in my mind there would be more conversations and opportunities to make broader adjustments.

Grateful to so many who may have had to “step in” and fix things for me and others. You apparently were given enough power and clout to do it. I may or may not have been on your team. Appears I was on a big team that included many gangs and companies. Very early on it occurred to me just to participate well whenever and where ever I was included. It wasn’t always clear what people needed and wanted of me. Also sometimes more than one gang was present and I looked caught between them. I was often mislabeled, even intentionally not recognized. Expectations of me have been all over the map! For instance: Was I standing in for a nice or grumpy person, someone who is smart or stupid intentionally or was I present, in person as my self and did people know what it meant?

I look like a stranger and friend to many. Not certain I can change this. Probably not. I can hope we can all get along politely now since it will only be socializing, not work related if I see you, any of you. Retired from so many things and people I may never see again. Did you know it was DISNEY management level people(or someone paid them to) who asked me to take retirement age at 50 decades ago? Likely because whatever deal people gave me in life could not be changed to accommodate me as a real elder, senior aged person. I was kept a “baby” to gangsters and mafia. Not a good thing for workplaces so I’ve had to stay out of them mostly. Any big person clout I had was based on a permission system by the people in control and was very situational and temporary. Never had a list of who is who. Ended up just trying to be a politician-minded person and do what I could for whatever I was given.

Was I your weakest link? Someone people mostly did not know, only brought around on rare occasions? Very possible. And why I was not allowed to get to know many who I visited. May have mostly been given migrant workers and employees of companies instead of the actual management people because my visits were so short. Jumped in, did what was needed and was gone again. I’ve crossed paths with management/leadership people at times however there just wasn’t much to say. I was staying small, not social climbing.

Broken pencils and broken metal. This is how this goes: a broken pencil is like a broken connection between people or peoples. Broken metal, in my own description is a connection so badly used it began as a sturdy force and bent over and over that it broke because the metal weakened. It could have held if supported and cared for, instead it was overloaded and ruined.

Connected by vapor. That’s just a very weak connection that if not rekindled, reminded and enforced will disappear. It could also be a very fake connection. Also means there is NO WRITTEN CONTRACT, meaning NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE. I currently have no contracts with anyone.

Broken Nails

Is being said on the ‘wind’. It means connections are broken, people are UNCONNECTED.

I have a feeling because I was a “baby” various gang contacts dumped and dropped me as “useful” to them very early in my life. Too many people needed money! THEN people planned to help me have money… AND THEN… OVERSOLD me and anything I owned. Here I am decades into my life and I’m being snooped as a money source and I cannot afford my own life easily!

Ultimately, I am a victim of identity theft. It means I can’t do much no matter what… and the people using my identity may also be limited… UNLESS… they only used my name(s) as nicknames, not trying to use my identity paperwork to stay in the U.S.

“Forced to be a baby.” – the ‘wind’

Humans that Bridge Gaps

Railway Viaduct, Newport, Co. Mayo, Ireland was once a railway carrying steam trains, now is just a pedestrian bridge.

People in general are like bridges, also known as personal and professional connections. Myself and others that I know do feel like a bridge(s) and were controversial in that some wanted us, some needed us… some knew are connections were built very incorrectly and used badly too. Some helped me be a bridge some tried to “blow me up”.

Now I personally am authentically old(or well used, even with repairs along the way) and others need to take my place. You can’t mrdr me though, I am a human being who is simply RETIRED.. FULLY RETIRED NOW.

The analogy is… the “pieces of land” this bridge connected are eroded. This is not a “good place” to keep using or crossing upon. “Just go upstream or downstream a few miles and build a new bridge”.

Human retirees are like old retired bridges. Maybe originally they held up vehicles and many workers crossed them in a day… in their older ages birds land on them, grass and mosses too. A random sheep or dog and trail walkers cross. People even stand on them to enjoy the views or write poetry and paint pictures.

Old bridges stay around if they were useful and help newer people appreciate history. They may be made of good stones, or were built by a community that kept it working for generations. Old humans are like this too.

Lost and Found Bridges

I discovered early in life, some bridges that people crossed had different names to different people and the actual bridge may not have had a name for itself! Do you know how much trouble this would cause if people got the wrong directions and wrong names???

The message here is not every human being is YOUR BRIDGE to others, but they may be important to people you know. Big and small, short and tall, old and new, with or without a name.