I’m Still in the Wilderness and Not Healthy

Writing this out I feel like I’m “belly aching”! Please don’t feel you need to read this. It’s for those who are actually concerned and/or responsible for my life.

I’m not connected well anywhere these days. Many of my connections of the past have retired and passed on. They were adults when I was a youth. I have not moved up into a real in person leadership role anywhere. Others have known me better than I knew and know myself. Collectively, we know I’m not healthy and strong. If you have seen me being strong and assertive in person it was only a temporary thing. Most of the time I’ve gone home and napped, even took days to recover from doing too much with my very imperfect body.

I’ve tried my best to help my body, it just isn’t something that is going to be strong and healthy. I’m lucky to have a few hours to a day or two without having to pay for it with extended rest and recovery. There are 70+ year olds who are in better physical health than me. They walk, jog, ride bikes, chat for hours with others. They look more alive than me. Age is not always a good marker for someone’s health and abilities. Fortunately, many know I generally have given respect to elders. Elders had decided long ago I should not become famous and important. It is likely due to my body’s weak core. I would not be able to be active and contributing daily and hourly of my mind and body which is required for work places, even the gentle ones.

A lot younger I insisted on strengthening my body and tried to be athletic and keeping moving, be strong. I honestly was even doing better a few years ago. The gall bladder removal about a year ago may be playing on me more than I realized. I am weaker, feeling a general illness daily even sitting around at home. Trying to stay alive even at home I am doing house chores like cleaning and cooking. It really is tiring me out though and I have to nap or just lay down for a couple of hours. It is making me feel old. Thankfully I do pep up and recharge enough to remind me I am a useful person.

It’s almost 8pm right now. Since 8am I helped get the small Thanksgiving meal together today and ate some also! Also I stood up and did a lot of the dish washing also. I’m laying in bed right now, not feeling good. Inspired to write this out.

If I were better connected, I’d be on the phone wishing people Happy Thanksgiving and also letting them know I’m not well. I’m so much in the wilderness not one person emails with me to chat about anything. They may know how dead I am to work force people and that I am actually ill. They are not saying it, not talking about me because they are concerned about their own work and the people they know better. Yes! It really is this way. I can’t remember when even a fake relative gave me a phone call or email to wish me better health.

I have a court date coming up. It’s way up in L.A. over 110mi from where I am sitting. I’m going to attempt to drive up there for it and pray my health holds up enough to get me through the day and back home again. Actually kind of scared of the system these days. I am worried that L.A. people are still trying to bind me to their city and the works I was only connected to by faint vapor. I can’t be a full time resident in a home or in their county facilities.

I’ve honestly tried to be what people needed of me all these decades. It wasn’t clear because different groups and individuals had different needs. Just don’t have the kind of wealth and health work place people have. Please note… some tough mafia people sized me up in the 1970s. They didn’t want me because I wasn’t wealthy enough even as a child. They also didn’t like the idea of me participating in person with mafia people because I was clearly weak and weakened by gang members already.

In my life definitely people saw to it I got health care, but not always. Some have left me very imperfect to REMIND the gang-bangers to leave me alone. I’m already “dead meat”. Again I was labeled “sea hag” which means mafia gave me a very difficult, tough path. I cannot leap off that life work and path and be a funding support person now. People who can fund others have a very good income, usually with or from decades of work place related earnings. Being a sea hag… I was kept from work places and normal work. Still contributed my life and spirit.

In essence and bold reality.. I appear to have been RETIRED from being a sea hag. If you don’t know what those are, you need to ask people who do know. They are NOT money handlers, pay pals, or funding partners for instance.

If you are a gang member from San Diego: If I was on the same team as “Steven H.” a long time ago, I was not a cash and carry person. I was just a baby in the mix.

Happy Thanksgiving! Here in the U.S.A. it is still a get together hundreds of years later…

The original event according to history appears to be Incan slaves sent to meet incoming pilgrims from Europe in the northern east coast of the Americas. They helped the newcomers with shelter and food. They ate together in the same spaces, possibly at the same tables.

All these centuries later… it is about family and friends gathering at homes and dinner places. Some get along well, some don’t. I’m wishing for peace today in the United States of America. A day to avoid conflicts and conflagrations. Just a “day of caring for each other”. Share your places, your food, your stories even clothing if lacking. A day without hate and contempt. It’s not a religious holiday, though it appears religiously enjoyed annually here!

Thanksgiving in the U.S.A. is a big national event! Image from https://tripjive.com/from-feasts-to-festivals-most-memorable-thanksgiving-day-celebrations-across-the-usa/

I’m NOT KAMALA HARRIS. I did some previs work for her in my youth under a “Clinton”.

I figured out what is going wrong. People knew it may get VERY STUPID later and we are in the later, way later.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I do not have access or use of her contacts. And WHO SHE IS has changed since the 1970s.

It got screwed up very badly in the 1970s. Small men from Russia were using me and kept asking for “Kamala” someone CREATED even though I was in front of them and present for tasks FOR PREVIS… I was also learning PRIMETIME. It may have been the Republican and Democratic parties in severe conflict with me. They actually DID LIKE ME for work for the White House. NEITHER wanted to adopt me though.

For a while I stood in as a “future Kamala” both the legitmate looking society famous one as well as a criminal me person.

Some people may have held onto ME as a Spielberg and as a Kamala person long term without telling other people what was going on. INCLUDING ME. IT HAS TO DO WITH MONEY. I became a Hollywood Kamala for her people to invest and make money DECADES AGO.

I’m verifiably RETIRED from PREVIS work for big people. I don’t have their people to TALK WITH REGULARLY about what is going on. Inside information is very key. I’m not a political assistant for the White House. They have MANY of those people ACTIVE and on a PAYROLL. They don’t all sit in Washington, D.C. They are scattered around the world. I have NO INSTRUCTIONS about helping any specific candidate nor contact list of who I need to know right now. I am in a very dead zone. Nothing going on.

I am NOT ADOPTED by any politician or political party. People do know who I am. It is a choice they have made and I fully accept it. I’ve noted I am NOT under a contract and am NOT WORKING. I’m not pretending to be previs or in control of anything. I have agreed, am RETIRED in nature. Can’t fix this by myself! Someone would HAVE TO HIRE ME to make me unretired.

It may interest some people to know that a “bigger me” person, more than one were staff at QualComm in its earliest life. In the 1980s, some even thought I worked there and made a lot of money. It was not me. I may have actually gone places they were also visiting at the same time and didn’t know it.

Beer 53! Come all ye who need suds!

Image from https://www.sandiego.org/explore/things-to-do/food-drink/craft-beer.aspx

If you believe in evil spirits among us, on the wind, in person, even just in your head… A sense that I need to appease the local gang peoples and remind them how RETIRED and DISABLED I am to do much for others. What I can do, and if you copy this I won’t care… I want to SPONSOR a ROUND of BEER at a local San Diego haunt for my next July birthday when I turn 5-3. I may or may not show up and I want THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE to take turns being the center of attention and standing up and telling a short story of 30sec-2min long. I won’t stand up at all. I may sit in the back of the room with my beer.

It is an opportunity for every one to show how much MORE IMPORTANT you/they are than me. I’ll stay seated, you can take turns OWNING THE ROOM. I may even enjoy your stories! We all may.

Note: If this goes well, I’ll sponsor the event every summer! It’ll be my little way of supporting local craft brews and San Diegans.

Does the Wilderness Beckon Gavin Newsom?

Rarely do I open up an article about the Governor of California, Gavin Newsom. I came across this today. https://www.ocregister.com/2024/11/25/like-sands-through-the-hourglass-so-are-the-days-of-gavins-political-career/ Not certain if this is ringing the correct bells and sirens about him. I don’t know who all is behind his career and life. Traditionally Californian governors are bright people’s people and the close ties they have within their state actually precludes them from favoritism of the east coast politics. Guess a case in point is Kamala Harris and also Robert Kennedy Jr.‘s running mate Nicole Shanahan. Is it because they are emboldened and grown from roots with the tech and entertainment industries? Makes me wonder!

Image from Newsweek https://www.newsweek.com/gavin-newsom-chances-becoming-president-landslide-california-win-1629703

Dear Mr. Newsom, I know what it is to be in the wilderness and I hope you don’t get banished to it. The article is very correct on how bad it can go. I’ve been in the wilderness for decades and trafficked out of it for short stints and they were mostly painful in some way. What happened to me is some needed me banished and away, and some needed me around now and then to show I was not dead and buried somewhere. If you do get pushed to the wilderness I humbly suggest you create new alliances and find ways to float above it. You’ve been a huge public figure and have a better chance to do it than I did. If you can’t levitate yourself above the [censored] and get stuck small and distanced from all the high places you are welcomed to visit with me in person for a coffee at Starbucks sometime. I am so far removed, the only way someone can get me in person for such a thing is to be someone retired out of the high places. I know you are not perfect, and your best and worst are amplified because you are so high up and forward to the public. Reason I’d do coffee with you is because I know you’ve been puppeted, directed, coached and you’ve had a tough job not anyone can do and that’s why you got it.

There are a lot of critics of the Democratic party and Gavin Newsom. Fine. I don’t always agree or disagree. Being out in the wilderness is hasn’t been my interest to pay much attention to what’s going on in politics and the issues of the California state. Perhaps I have an enlightened attitude about politicians in high places? It seems to me they have a lot of problems to contend with whatever their promised and actual platform of reason and promotion is. Just being a public figure is a tough job. There are so many people pushing and pulling issues, lobbying, threatening, harassing that leadership is never peaceful. I’m impressed politicians get any sleep!

Anyway… Mr. Newsom, is you are reading this… I wish you not to get thrown out into the wilderness if you feel it is not your future. If you do get it, you may be sharing it with a lot of burned out, formerly talented and important people from nations around the world. I doubt the wilderness will throw you away.

My history in political parties? Was told I was born into a Democratic family, then I was adopted by Republicans. I was too trafficked and caught between parties before I was eight years old. Neither party was actually adopting and protecting me well… that I knew of. It appeared the Republicans had money, however they didn’t want me to be an expensive, important person. The Democrats I encountered were low on money all the time and behaved criminal toward and around me. It has caused me to drift and actually lose interest in politics and politicians altogether. I have since tried to focus on issues, people, watching the world turn. My mind is not with a political party at all. I’m actually concerned with the world system of all nations and issues.

I’m small, in the wilderness and not interested in being important somewhere. I like being uncommitted and able to just read about things and comment if I want to. It is my sense of freedom.

Stranger Than Fiction? People, Places and Names.

It was known that a “Clinton” was human trafficking me in the 1970s and possibly paid for by a current or former employee of BYCORP Construction. “Clinton” was a known paid trafficker of Chinese and Taiwanese people in San Diego, CA. He actually GRABBED ME and tried to SELL ME to incoming immigrants more than once before I was old enough to attend grade school. They looked Chinese and separately people from India.

Here is the actual stranger than fiction. These TWO WOMEN are known gang members who used my name in San Diego, CA and Los Angeles, CA and possibly in Honolulu, HI. “Michelle Kirksey” and “Mamie McCall”. When I was under six years old there was a “Clinton” and “Alex” connected with BYCORP who also used my name(s) in Los Angeles, CA. These were adults knowingly using my name(s). This doesn’t include also “Joshua Kushner, Jr.” a known brown Mexican gang member who people pretended was my husband.

I have witnessed at least 3-4 different men using the name “Clinton” before the 1980s. They all looked lean, tall, white/Caucasian and gangster.

This does not include gangster/mafia women using the first name of “Donna”. There has been at least one in Chula Vista, CA as well as one in Oceanside, CA who spoke with me in my youth. Both knew who I was.

How many “Alex” people(men and women) are in a job position or living in a location I was in theory supposed to be a part of, right now? I can say I have witnessed at least one “Alex” in San Diego, CA living in a home people pretended I owned. Another “Alex” I have worked with in person on a major feature movie in a job I wanted as a child.

The point in all this is… I’ve been replaced by gang members in all kinds of places FULL TIME. I got those places/locations(even job) a long time ago and met with others and it was established I was involved… then I was never again at those locations for the same reason. None of these people who replaced me, or took my place… are long term contacts and friends. I don’t even know what names they have on their own documents. I wonder to this day…”Who do they think they are now?” AND “Who do they think I am?”

I was a youth when I was taken to the Van Nuys Superior Courthouse and asked to help “previsualize some things”. I was asked to DO IT FOR A “STEVEN”. Over the decades… I … YES ME!!! Was taken back to the courthouse and placed in the DEFENDANT SEAT as if I was… a STEVEN. I was IN TROUBLE and BEING A STEVEN for …who?? And that’s the troubling part. The role reversal? The swap? Are people aware? I do not have mafia or gangster or gang member contacts to help me. I am being trafficked. I do not use the name Steven, by the way. I’m willing to wager… all these names I’ve mentioned in the post may have AUTHENTICALLY used the name “Steven” in public places over the decades and have been transacting in Los Angeles, CA with fellow gang members, mafia people and more.

What We Are Wearing in Public

Preface. This is both a small and big topic in my humble opinion. Let me keep the shortest version. The long version includes self image and projections, attitudes, special occasions and what’s in fashion. The short version is clothing only based on what we are doing and who we are on a daily basis. I’m also going to focus on the United States of America’s southwest region. It is the one I know most and it covers warm and cold weather. My readership is likely familiar with it also. People from all over the world know Los Angeles, CA for instance.

If you took a snapshot of people out in public midday during the work week of Monday through Friday this is a hint at what people are wearing and what it means to an average person. Writing this because people from other countries may not realize what it looks like to the regulars around town. Hoping also my Hawaii people(friends and strangers) get why I wear certain things when I leave California and visit Hawaii and I have difficulty switching over to island styles. Here is what it looks like.

Who is dressing the best midday during the work week? Usually professional office personnel. This includes both civilian and military. Next are the people who visit those people. Below that group are people in schools whether teacher or student. Then it is the service people whether they are in uniforms or just good work clothing. Below them are the people being serviced in casual clothing such as someone taking their car to get repairs, grocery shopping. Below those consumers and customers are their children and people they hire with cash. Children may or may not dress as well as parents and guardians. People who are only working on a cash basis tend to be dressed the least expensive and important wearing clothes suitable for work ranging from errands to hard labor.

What gets confusing is when people dress lower or higher than they actually are. For instance, some wealthy people just wear very casual clothes in public–they may have been working on their own car or yard, or were out doing a sport such as surfing, skateboarding, bicycling and others. Also there are low workforce people and migrants who have paid for or stolen more expensive clothes and are pretending things–like being more important than the full time wealthy, military, school and office people.

It gets even more confusing when important people dress very casual like a migrant or service person and migrants dress like people working in administration and politics. I find it WORRISOME when well dressed poor people behave entitled around actual important people dressed casually who look scared and terrorized.

I need to pause here. It is troubling me to write this out.

If you believe in the ‘wind’… it is admitting I was “terrorized by Kremlin partners” and forced to look like a migrant to Russians in Hawaii in my youth. Those partners may have been migrants from south of the California/Mexico border.

So retired… It is forced by others.

There is a sense people want me in play still. I can’t do much. Even when I was very active it was AS A SPEAKER. I was NOT the one making deals, signing documents, moving money around. I was a baby to many big adults who got to play the games of making good and great money, as well as the risks of taking losses.

I need people to know that about me. As much as I’d love to jump in and do more like the 1970s and 80s… it actually WAS NOT MY JOB to do so. I was grabbed violently and put into the positions like a substitute. Then I was removed. I may have gotten some praise, but it was because others were going to make the big money, not me personally.

I’m actually a tired soul. My health is sketchy. I realize from this past year if I don’t have the proper daily care I can be ill even at home. I’m not a good one to call upon to step in and do much of anything. I feel Los Angeles knows this better than San Diegans and Mexico people (Tijuana as well as Mexico City gang members). At some point, a human being is too used up, too soft, too disabled, too disconnected to get things done for good friends and strangers. I’m more retired than I planned on. Others knew me better than I knew myself. I am grateful people did have a plan for me to be done and just at home.

A long time ago I was told that if I can’t speak Mexican, I won’t be allowed to be a public speaker. I never did pick up the Spanish/Mexican language or any others than English. Appears this is what people chose. It means I cannot step up ever again in front of a large group of people even in my own country and just speak my mind about the topic of the day. If that was my gift in my youth to speak to people… it is something very retired about me. I have not been a noted speaker in public places a very long time. I’ve been very dead to this activity. Bigger people have had the platforms, panels, head of table, the floor, the attention. I do not have it at all. Honestly, I’ve even been upstaged at fast food places! –Gang members have walked in and simply spoken louder and more than I did, stood closer to the counter, and stood prouder. I don’t mind they do. I have noticed this phenomenon. Sometimes they walked faster than me into a store and demanded the attention of employees so much I ended up walking out again…not just for fast food.

I’m okay being retired. I honestly didn’t understand what people wanted all these decades. Mostly I’ve just been me and not looking for opportunities to speak out or look important. Sometimes I just wanted to look good for my own spirit and self image, not to impress others. I must say it again that I am NOT TRYING TO COMPETE WITH ANYONE. Please don’t think I am. I’m mostly a home body who is unaware of what others truly think.

Migrant Leadership in the United States of America? Little Me?

I was caught up with USC (University Southern California) people in the 1970s also. Filmmakers, political young adults. This is never spoken of. I visited the USC campus many times before I was 8 years old. Some thought I’d go there eventually as a college student and get a career with their alumni. It appears a mafia sold me out and I was banned from the campus instead.

I attended a film location scout that involved the United Nations and propaganda. It appeared that I was going to be in the film itself. There was some major conflict involving my identity. Looks like real Russian(?) people were ANGRY that I was a bright child with ideas YET NOT ACTUALLY RUSSIAN. So they told me to “go stand with the United States people” and I did. That actor(?) told me, “We are a country in debt. It may never change. You are a U.S. born child and we want you to be a migrant leadership person.” I thought it was for the movie. Looks like I got caught up very badly with professional entertainment migrants as well as contractor/builders and it is/was VERY REAL all these decades.

Migrant meetings? I was TOLD that is all I had to do, is show up for some migrant meetings. As a youth, I was not certain what that all meant. It appears… I’ve actually been human trafficked all these years and YET DO NOT KNOW ANYONE for real. I don’t have a list of migrants or their leaders to be in contact with. People simply put me on a bus now and then and they made ME LOOK LIKE A MIGRANT. I didn’t speak with people. I was like a mascot, a pet, a toy, a flag bearer who could not actually do much for anyone and my own funding was very low like a migrant worker who came over a border into the U.S.A. So I got kidnapped and trafficked and somehow migrants were told to follow me around (1970s and 80s)? I basically was taken places, and the workers followed and they did all the talking and deal-making and I got MUGGED over and over again. Silenced.

I’m not as bad off these days, however I’m still not a leadership person with money to hire people. I still do not have a contact list of leaders and workers from any company or organization. Nothing. I believe I am very done with people as I was TOLD to take “retirement age” at 50 years old if I do not have a contract. I do not have a contract for or from others. I am just living a very simple boring life. No one has asked for me to step up and speak with a group. The last time that happened for real was in my youth. I’ve been attacked by gang members by force and injury as well as druggings–just before I was to speak anywhere–even in a high school classroom. So public speaking was out for me and has been for decades. Very real gang leaders likely knew I couldn’t handle managing migrant workers. They may have sabotaged me from any of the related duties just so the migrant workers sought other leaders who can handle or manage them.

This is yet another online writing I had not planned on. Am hoping that coming clean on what I know about helps people MOVE ON FROM ME and seek help and leadership from those who are far more enabled.

Home Depot and Lowes Hardware Stores Connection? No, it is an identity theft problem from the 1970s.

Just realized people may have thought I worked for Home Depot, Lowes and BYCORP. It was not me. It was at least one man who used my name in California while I was growing up in Hawaii. I actually DO NOT know all the people who work or have worked at those stores. Very young I loved construction and architecture. I never was an employee at any hardware store, construction company nor architecture firm.

I’ve been stalked in Home Depot primarily in San Diego county. Looks like BYCORP connected gang members who have or do. I beg of you all, please don’t. I really don’t know people. I have no information, no connections to talk about.

Because of identity theft in the 1970s, at least several adult men knowingly used my name(s) and they likely were able to talk to gang leaderships and members about how small a person I actually was. I am not certain who all they were, and I can’t guarantee they were all nice people who cared about me at all. Someone, maybe many took my identity and may have even gotten me into all kinds of trouble with people I never met.

The people I do know who have homes in San Diego, including real and fake relatives… have contacts already for home improvements. Even if we end up getting things from Home Depot or Lowes or Ace or other… the people WORKING for us at the home are the PRIMARY CONTACT. Meaning, if we hire someone to install something at our home, they are the ones who will get Home Depot or other for the products. They themselves will go to the store and pick out what is needed. Which means we don’t actually need a HARD SELL by store employees for products.

Was not planning on writing about this. Something came up so thought I should ASAP. No hard feelings! I like hardware stores. Please don’t give me a hard time if I visit. I get bored at home and like looking at all the cool stuff. Sometimes I even get a few things for my hobby stuff.